


Too Short A Time

by SilverWolf7



Series: Lucifer's Flock [10]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crisis, Crying, Death, Death is not natural to him or his family, Fear of Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Linda has no natural way of knowing what it is like to live forever, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) is Bad at Feelings, Lucifer has no natural way of dealing with death, On the flipside, Panic, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 18:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12710868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverWolf7/pseuds/SilverWolf7
Summary: Lucifer has an emergency session with Linda when he realises his flock is made up entirely of mortal creatures and he isn't one of them.  Neither of them knows exactly what to do with the situation, but Linda tries her best.





	Too Short A Time

**Author's Note:**

> I...I hope this one makes sense to all of you lovely people out there. 
> 
> Mentions of psychopathy and empathy.

Linda was not surprised that she got a call so soon after the first once she found out Ella was sick.

What she was not expecting was to hear barely any inflection in his voice at all. It was almost like the Lucifer she knew, the one that couldn’t hide his feelings for anything, was gone and replaced by a weird automaton that just sounded like him.

He asked her for a session. He asked instead of just coming over and taking her time from others like he normally did.

Something had happened and whatever it was, it was not doing anything for Lucifer’s state of mind.

She told him to come over immediately, as it was her lunch break. She then spent the next five minutes cancelling her next appointment, due to a crisis. Because one thing she could tell, just from a short conversation with him over the phone, was that Lucifer was definitely in crisis right then.

And it wasn’t his normal type of woe is me someone didn’t jump in my bed crisis he usually bothered her with either. This was the real kind of crisis. At least he had realised that himself and called her as soon as he did notice. That made her at least slightly proud. Regardless of how much she sometimes felt she wasn’t helping him, he sometimes did small things that made her aware that he just was really slow compared to a human on learning anything.

She couldn’t blame him for that. He was from an immortal race that had rarely interacted with humans who weren’t wicked or vile or being tortured in weird, wacky and horrific ways.

She went to her file drawer and got out his file, knowing that he would be there shortly. She then spent the rest of the time she was waiting for him eating what was left of her salad.

Thankfully, it took him that long to get there, because all thoughts of food immediately vanished out of her head the moment she took him in.

“Lucifer! Please, come in and sit down.”

He looked like the slightest breeze would shatter him on impact.

He followed her instructions to sit with a blank face. He flopped down with no finesse whatsoever and stared at her with unfathomably deep eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head slowly. “Dunno.”

The answer worried her. She knew he still had troubles pinpointing some emotions he was feeling and this was definitely a deep emotional reaction to something, but she couldn’t help until she knew what it was.

“Can you tell me what you are feeling?”

He stared at her and barely blinked at all and it was unnerving. “...Numb.”

She stared back at him, hoping for more, but from what she was seeing it seemed that he had purposefully stopped himself from feeling because whatever was behind the numbness was debilitating to him.

“What were you feeling before you began to feel numb? Do you remember?”

And with that, she knew she was beginning to get through to him. His eyes widened and his breath began to come out in short pants. “I...I was...I was talking to the Detective and Dan. They were...there was talking. Is it true?”

And now she was confused. “Is what true? I can’t answer until I know what the question is.”

“Is it true that humans get sick for no reason?”

And Linda frowned at him. “Usually it is caused by germs or some other means, but yes, sometimes we can just get sick for what seems like no reason. Why?”

Lucifer ran his hands through his hair and his eyes lost their lost look and went the exact opposite direction. He went from being uncomfortably numb straight into a full blown panic attack. She thought she had eased his stress over Ella being sick after he had called her last time. Obviously something else was causing this, but what?

He tried drawing in deep breaths, but came up short. A look of panic filled his eyes and he huffed out a quick “Can’t breathe” to her, before he curled up in a ball on her couch, a hand clutched to his chest.

“You’ll be fine, Lucifer. It will pass. You’re not going to die, or go back to Hell or Heaven for that matter. You’re having a panic attack.”

Knowing he didn’t like being touched if it wasn’t a sexual thing in sessions she stayed in her chair, but did talk him through it, keeping him centred and grounded as best she could from where she was.

He began to calm down in five minutes, which was pretty good time. When he was breathing normally again, she waited for him to continue on, before saying anything herself. Whatever this was about was hitting him harder than anything she had talked to him about in a session to date. 

“Sorry...” he apologised when he was back into a talking mood again.

She shook her head. “No, don’t be. It was clear the moment you walked into the room that you were keeping a ton of emotion hidden away behind that numbness, as you called it. Are you still feeling numb?”

He shook his head and closed his eyes. “No, but I wish I was...”

She leaned forward. “What is it you feel, Lucifer?”

He swiped at his face and spent a few seconds looking around the room trying to find where the tissues were. She hadn’t thought to mention he was crying. She was afraid he would bolt out of the room if she gave any hint she noticed. Him making a beeline towards where the tissues were allayed that worry though. He was staying for this, whatever the problem was.

He grabbed several and sat back down. “It just hit me out of nowhere. It didn’t even occur to me. How could it not have occurred to me? It’s plainly bloody obvious and it just hit me like it was the most obscure thing to learn.”

Sighing, Linda got herself comfortable in her chair before answering any of that. “Lucifer, what is it that hit you hard? I’m trying to understand but you’re not explaining anything to me.”

“Humans! You’re all humans. I don’t know what I was thinking! I seriously have no idea how I managed to forget one thing so prominent in your species outside Free Will!”

She crossed her legs and leaned into the chair. “What did you forget?”

“That you’re mortal! I’m not! I’m going to lose all of you! It doesn’t matter how hard I try to protect you from anything, or anyone, or any disease, you’re all going to die on me. And I’m going to be left alone with no one.”

And now she understood. Humans are born and grow up with the idea of death. At least one time in their lives, most humans go through the loss of death. And all the death Lucifer has come up across so far has been of strangers, or distant acquaintances that could become friends. Or the odd occasional lover he has had. And all of it due to murder. He had a taste of how much it hurt with Father Frank, and later the added guilt of killing someone that can also be with grief with Uriel. 

So far he had done everything he possibly could to keep all the members of his flock alive and well. He had given his life twice for Chloe, even though she would eventually die anyway. Ella’s illness had scared him, and it must have been the continual upbeat confirmations that she’d get through that alive and not die that made him realise he was going to lose them regardless.

He would be alone. 

She needed to think of a replacement for therapy for when she inevitably dies on him. 

And that thought had never even occurred to her.

She took a deep breath to try and calm not only herself but him down. She had never had to really have this conversation before with anyone. All her other clients knew that they would die and others in their life could die before them. 

“Lucifer, we should have had this talk a long time ago, I apologise.”

He blinked at her, rubbing at his face with one of the tissues he was holding. He’d been busy crying while she had been thinking of ways to explain this to him.

“Why are you apologising?! I’m the one who can’t control his bloody emotions!”

She shook her head. “You forgot that we die. But you’re not the only on that forgets the obvious when it is a huge monumental thing that is something intellectually known by the person already. I forgot that you wouldn’t know how to deal properly with the death of your flock because they’re all human, except the bird.”

He blinked at her, eyes red and puffy, but it seemed he was done with tears for the time being. “You forgot they would all die?!”

She shook her head. “No, actually it’s the exact opposite. I keep forgetting you won’t barring accidents or murder while around Chloe, and with your wings you can now get yourself out of Hell again with little to no problem.”

He hunched a bit at the shoulder and she noticed for the first time his wings weren’t out. Usually she liked to see them as they gave away his true emotional state. Today she had no need of them. Everything he was feeling was right there written all over his face. No hiding behind humour, no hiding behind his sexuality, no mask to hide behind. It’s probably the most raw and open he had ever been with her in a session.

The trust he was showing her right now was monumental for him. It both made her feel proud and sad. Proud because she had proof that she was someone he could go to with his problems and no longer worry about how he looked to her. Sad, because for him it would end. Most likely with her death. She very much doubted he’d stop seeing her if she retired. 

Yeah, she really needed to search for a younger psychiatrist to take over after she was gone. Matthew down the hall knew who and what Lucifer was, due to Lucifer accidentally flashing his wings, so there was an option. And he was young and new to the practise. He’d have years to learn and get a grip on angels being real by then. She hoped.

“Doctor? You’ve gone very quiet.”

She blinked. “Sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment. It’s a bit hard for me to comprehend living forever, as humans know we’re going to die. It’s just one natural aspect of life that we need to accept and live with. You don’t have that acceptance or the nature to have it to begin with, which means you’re going to have to learn it the hard way. And even then, us humans are still hit hard by the deaths of our loved ones. The only real way to learn how to deal with grief is to go through it. And like in most things, everyone deals with grief differently. You tend to act out, I tend to get quiet and drink.”

His face fell at that. “Seriously, the only advice you can give me to deal with this bombshell that just hit me upside the head is wait and see?!”

She shook her head. “That’s not the only help I can give. If you come to me to work on grief, I can help you work through it. The mess that happened after Uriel put a wedge between us when it comes to grief and guilt, and I am truly sorry for that. But until it actually happens...there’s not much I can do. Sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around himself. “Can’t you teach me to naturally get it?”

She blinked and tilted her head to one side. “Honestly? I would have no idea how to even begin. It’s a bit like asking me to teach a psychopath empathy and thinking they will end up having empathy at the end of it.”

He blinked at her, confusion beginning to shine through the sadness. “You...you think I’m a psychopath?”

She couldn’t help it. She giggled. “Wow, no! Trust me, if you were, we would not be having this conversation right now.”

He nodded and sat back up, straightening himself out. He began playing with his cufflinks. “Okay, that’s good to know. I think...”

She nodded at him. “Yes, it is. I generally don’t work with psychopaths. Therapy generally doesn’t help them. You do get help, if a bit slower than a human would. Not that I am calling you slow intellectually or anything, because I’m not. You just live so long you learn things at a pace that is slower than ours, because of our much shorter lifespan. Amenadiel is the same. Probably all your siblings are.”

Lucifer seemed to accept that as not an insult, which was good. Sometimes he could take her words and twist them into something she didn’t say or mean. He nodded, satisfied with her answer. “Okay, Doctor, you can stop now. I get it. We learn a bit slower because of our age differences. Makes sense.”

She sighed and nodded, before tilting her head again in thought. “Actually, that might help...”

He frowned at her. “What might help with what?”

“You’re afraid of losing all your flock. Because one’s a bird and the rest are human. You’ve got no one who will stay with you through all of that loss. Have you ever thought of inviting one of your siblings to join the flock? Amenadiel is here and available. Why not ask him? He’ll keep you grounded, and you can help keep him grounded through the loss and grief in a way that is natural for angels.”

And though she knew Lucifer and Amenadiel were only now beginning to patch up their differences and Amenadiel had begun acting like a true good big brother, Lucifer’s face lit up and the worry and sadness for the thought of losing his flock vanished. “Why the hell did I not think of that?! Of course! My dear big bro would have only recently lost his flock in Heaven when he fell. No wonder he’s been so mopey. He can start a new one with me and mine! I’d have to ask the others first and see if they would accept him, but I think they all would, with the maybe exception of Dusty. Ella, Chloe and Dan already know and like him, so that’s them all set.”

Linda blinked at the true excitement shining through and her head almost spun with the sudden whiplash change of mood. “So you will ask him?”

Nodding, Lucifer stood. “Yes, I will ask. I will confer with the flock first though, before doing so. But, yes, I think this will help in the long run. Having a permanent member of the flock who will stay even after the rest are gone. And if he gets his wings back, Chloe can finally get to join in on the grooming. I think she is jealous she didn’t say yes right away and missed out. But she did know nothing about wings, and decided to leave it to others. Sometimes she comes over with Dan on Thursdays to watch. I think she’ll know what to do now.”

Linda slowly nodded at that. “That sounds like a good plan for both you and Chloe. If it happens.”

He grinned widely. “Well, it happened to me and I didn’t want it to. It’s only a matter of time before he’s let out of time out for good behaviour and is given his wings back. You’ll see.”

She hoped for both angels that it was something that would happen. She knew how much his Fall had hurt Amenadiel, since he sometimes talked to her about it. And Lucifer was given his wings back for good behaviour, so it was possible that this would tip the scales in his favour and God would give his oldest back his wings too.

She knew far too much about this weird family dynamic for her own good. Sometimes she seriously doubted she would get into Heaven on knowing too much alone. Which sucked, because she really didn’t want to end up in Hell.

“Doctor Linda! Are you alright? I’ve been nattering on about my own crisis here and you keep zoning out.”

She sighed. “I was thinking of Amenadiel getting his wings back and what he could do to get your father to make it happen.”

Lucifer nodded, his wide grin slipping into a natural, sympathetic one. “Yeah, I sometimes think about things like that too. So, I will try and see you at my normal appointment time and not have another crisis before then. I’m sorry for taking you away from your lunch. I just...that one really hit me hard.”

She smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it Lucifer. I had finished my lunch before you got here. I didn’t miss out on anything. Your crisis didn’t interfere with my day.”

He shifted on his feet. “You had to cancel an appointment, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “Yes, but it was a routine appointment. If I called you to cancel because someone else was having a crisis during your normal session time, would you be mad or understanding?”

He thought about that one. “I think it would be a bit of both, really. Mad that someone else was taking my time, but I would understand why that person needed you right then.”

She smiled at him. “Good. That’s good. I suggest you talk to Chloe and Dan about your sudden change in mood when you go back home. Talk to them about it. You never know, they might help in ways I can’t. They are your flock members, not me.”

He nodded. “Yes, I was going to do that anyway. The Detective said she would be coming back over with Dan later on today. She was giving me a few hours to get over whatever was wrong. I think...I think that they need to know.”

And she was relieved to hear that too. “Then I will see you at our normal session time. Bye Lucifer, and look after yourself.”

He walked to the door and opened it. “Always, Doctor Linda. I will see you later.”

And with that said he left, closing the door quietly behind him. Crisis for the most part averted for the time being. She would probably end up having to go over this topic several times with him in the future, but he seemed to take away everything she had said.

She wondered if giving him a crash course in grief counselling would help him.


End file.
